Social Media

I could write a great post on an imaginary wall

Maybe I could gain your favor, in hopes that I won’t feel so small

I could connect without connecting with anyone at all

The only truer friend I could find is alcohol

I bet you’ll think I’m silly for writing these words down

But with my snapchat filter, you’ll never see me frown

I’ll only show you what I want my friends to see

And “friend” is such a fickle word - new for “enemy”...

Your judgement cannot hurt me, my confidence is strong

As long as I have views and likes, I’ll know that I belong

Fight for your right, but give up your gun

Be true to yourself, but offend me and we’re done

I’ll ask you how you are, but if you tell me... I may run

Don’t act so surprised, it all comes down to number one

If I decide to respond, it’ll be when I’m good and done

With all the things I hide from you... Isn’t this game fun?

Hmm, where to go from here? Image, now there’s a start

Be sure to capture my pretty face, who gives two shits about my heart?

I’ll deny it all day long, but deep down you know it’s true -

If followers didn’t validate my worth, I’d be #present here with you

I wasn’t always this way; I used to wear my heart on my sleeve

But to think that people are true, my dear you are naive

Rejection, at first glance, can be masked as longed for attention

But it’s too late, when you recognize the taste of condescension

Because “real” is rare

And being an empath leaves you empty...

Now I’m vulnerable, I feel stupid

Oh no... They are going to really see

Just how weak and insecure I can truly be

Desperate, needy; Call it what you will

Still been striving to occupy spaces that only self-love can fill

Today

Today I learned something. It is this - If you are going to place expectations on someone, even if you believe it is for their benefit, make sure it is within reason. Lofty, unrealistic expectations lead to frustration, defeat, and low self-esteem. Reasonable expectations create hope, life, and they encourage.

Rising Above It

There she is again, sitting there alone

Anxious as can be and shaken to the bone

Foolish words she speaks and actions she'll regret

Consumed with the rejection she just cannot forget

When no one is around,

There is but one, who always can be found

"Hello little girl," He'll say, 

"don't you look pathetic today..."

Loneliness is my name, 

I come in many forms

I'll drop by to join you in the dark 

and then I'll leave you in your storm

But just before I go, I'll remind you why you're here...

It's the bad choices you have made 

and all the things you lack

Everyone will leave you, but not me... 

You know I'll be back

I'll join you in the bottle, a stranger's touch,

Or a crowd of condemning eyes

If you let me, I'll overtake you with my toxins 

And I'll own you with my lies

You'll be so use to what I say, it will become comfortable to your ears

This familiar feeling will replace your need for truth, in what you hear

There's One who I am like... 

Who too, will be there in the dark

Who'll stay by your side 

And could even monopolize your heart

He'll meet you at your lowest place 

And tell you who you are

But let me warn you dear, 

Before I go too far...

That voice is unlike mine, 

You'll find it hard to recognize a word

Things so unfamiliar, 

They could free you like a bird

But before you go befriending 

This newfound company

Remember that the easy choice

Always will be me

I'll tell you what you think you know 

About your identity,

He'll lavish you with a brand new hope 

And through mended eyes you will see

By: Kassandra K. Jauquet

We All Give to Someone

We all give to someone... Have you ever had someone in your life that you feel doesn't give a ton? Or maybe you have a friend you deem as "wonderful" who is always generous, buying lunch, driving, perhaps they're a gift-giver... Maybe they have a tendency to put themselves 2nd, or they just always seem to have the best, encouraging advice. (I love those people who always seem ready to listen and eager to help.)

I recently had the realization that we all give to someone. You may be thinking, "Ah, NO. I know so-and-so and they are the most self-centered person I've ever met!" Well, that "someone" we give to, could be ourselves too. I wonder if those who are always seeking the best and most for themselves, are compensating for something? Perhaps they did not get or receive enough love/kindness from others, at a younger age?

Other people you know (co-workers or friends) may not seem to give a whole lot (to you). However, if you had a true window into their lives you might see things differently. Is it possible they giving to a someone else? Are they giving all they've got to an employer or customers? Just because you or I may not be the recipient of kindness/generosity/sacrifice from someone, does not mean they aren't giving. Their reserve may just be running low. It's hard to give a lot of love to more than just a few.

I have a friend that seemed real irritated at me for not "giving" or making a sacrifice for her. I don't know if she realizes why. If she does, she just doesn't think I have a valid reason for making the choice that I did. After wresting with some things and having a number of conversations with myself in my head, I realized something; Regardless of what others think, you have every right to do what is best for you and take care of yourself. Furthermore... We each have the right to give our energy/our best, to the people we want to put first. (In fact, I think this is something every one of us will regret if we fail to do). I try to give my best to my close few. I want to give to my friends and do at times, but my family comes 1st.

It bothered me a bit that my friend didn't consider my point of view. Good news is: When you experience some kind of injustice, it makes you much more sensitive and able to see it in the lives of others. So next time I'm disappointed by a lack of sacrifice that I'm experiencing from someone, I hope I'm wise enough to step back and ask, "Are they really being inconsiderate, or are they just runnin' DNE (damn near empty)?"

Return the favor; Love the flawed.

Soul Searching

Ever feel so restless that all you could do was... sit?

There are so many things to clutter the brain. For one, there's the future. This of course, can include a heap of things: your job, money, relationships, health, etc. Then, there's also the here and now; What are you going to do about your injured foot? What's going on with Joey (insert friend or relative's name)... They've been distant lately... Finally, you have the "deep" scary questions... Lately my main one has been, why don't I like people?

When I have this many thoughts floating around, I get overwhelmed. Sometimes, I can't do much except sit. I get even more frustrated, knowing I'm not being very productive. When my mind gets clouded with worries, it's best to go back to the basics.

What do you have that you love? What really matters? So many times, I take these things for granted. I think we have what it takes within us to heal. Thankfulness is an unlikely (but often powerful) remedy for many struggles.

Today I had a thought. What if what we saw in ourselves wasn't really "what is". What if what we saw was wrong. What if the shameful things we see in ourselves that make us feel "less" or insecure, were not reality? Perhaps you think you're stupid, but what if that really was a lie? Do you see yourself as annoying to others? What if it was all in your head? Or maybe you think you're fat, but truly you were slim? What if what you clearly saw in the mirror really was false or skewed? What if things about yourself, you "knew" to be true, actually were totally wrong?

If you found that the negative things you believed about yourself were not correct, how would you live differently? If you saw yourself through a lens that favored you and your imperfections were gone, would you have more joy? This thought crossed my mind because I looked at myself in a mirror today and did not see one of my most feared flaws (one I usually notice when I look in the mirror). I didn't see it.

I'm sure it was the light or something... But I must confess; it was a freeing feeling. I started to think  further - If could see myself "flawless" in the deeper ways, would I love myself more?

What is flawless? Perfection and imperfection are relative, aren't they? I know what it's like to see the worst in someone. I also know what it's like to love someone so much that you seem to only see what's best in them. I wonder if this is what God does. I wonder if He loves us so much that He literally sees us "perfected" because He knows all that we are. I don't know...

Who knows? I just hope I have more days with "flawless" vision.

"One of the saddest things about being human is that we see ourselves through the broken lens of failure. We identify ourselves with what we 'lacked'. For however long we allow it to consume us, we miss out on the joy of what could be. Sometimes our own stubbornness blinds us to truth."

Questions

Pain can breed bitterness or create compassion.

What separates people? I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but the older I get, the more I feel that people are mean. I am lucky to have a few family and friends who love me. That in itself, is huge and a great deal to be thankful for.

Obviously, everyone experiences some kind of emotional pain. It's part of life. But what do you do when someone does something that cuts deep or damages and you just can't forgive them? I know what it's like to be bitter. I know what it's like to want so badly to "let go" (not just because it's "the right thing to do" but because the truth is, it frees you) yet the internal turmoil makes it ever so difficult. It's not fair. You shouldn't have to suffer when they hurt you. How do you overcome it?

I don't have it figured out, but I think I'm getting closer. For me, I think it's about identifying and accepting that whatever deed caused us pain was not okay... That whatever that person did or said (or didn't do or say) was NOT alright. I think it's necessary to mentally understand and believe this. If you do that, then you are not sweeping the offense under the rug. You are fully allowing the blame to be placed on that person. However, in order to be free... You can choose to not allow it to consume you.

I cannot express how many times someone has said something that hurt me and I just swept it under the rug. That works for awhile. But after years of avoiding confrontation, you begin to realize the effects. While you were "sparing" this other person of feeling like an asshole and avoiding the uncomfortable conversations that may have been had, you are becoming crushed by the invisible load on your back. This can affect your self-confidence.

I think there are times things need to be said. People sometimes need to be stood up to, otherwise they will continue to walk all over you. There are other circumstances where no matter what you say, they will not care. It also depends on who it is. I'm not going to try too hard with a complete stranger and I would not recommend anyone do so. Although, what if it's a rude relative who is out of line or crosses boundaries?

I think it's really important to pay attention to the ones who stay, who care, and have mirrored their love. If that's the case, it's worth the trouble. Sometimes, family acts like more of a stranger than people you have never met. My life has shown me that "family" are the ones who respect you. Of course we all have our "jerk" moments, but the ones who care... We know who they are. Hold onto those people. Sometimes, the world will surprise you. Sometimes (even though it be rare) a stranger will show you more kindness than those you would hope you could expect it from. When people disappoint you, look for the good. Look for the rare ones.

They are there.

1st Blog

I am a first-time blogger, but I know someone who blogs and I decided it might be a cool way to vent, or "exhale". If anyone chooses to read, that's an added bonus! :) 

Today, I found myself feeling rather disturbed at how many situations I've seen where guys use their strength to intimidate, rather than protect women in their lives. I realize not all men are this way. However, to stumble upon a chivalrous man is somewhat rare. Has it always been this way? Did men use to see women in a different light; more delicate, treasured? Maybe I have lofty expectations, but I've heard it said that you teach people how to treat you. Have expectations just been lowered? I mean, I personally know very few men who want to be the "big brother" type to girls. It's like they think that girls have one purpose and that certainly is NOT to be friends with.

I guess these thoughts stem from a wish that there were more men out there who instinctively sought to guard and defend women. Men, who would treat girls (even those they are not dating) with respect and care.

Perhaps, man like this do not exist. Even if that's true, thankfully I have a Father who loves like this.

Daddys: Show your daughters how valuable they are, lest they forget... Or even worse; They never really know.