Soul Searching

Ever feel so restless that all you could do was... sit?

There are so many things to clutter the brain. For one, there's the future. This of course, can include a heap of things: your job, money, relationships, health, etc. Then, there's also the here and now; What are you going to do about your injured foot? What's going on with Joey (insert friend or relative's name)... They've been distant lately... Finally, you have the "deep" scary questions... Lately my main one has been, why don't I like people?

When I have this many thoughts floating around, I get overwhelmed. Sometimes, I can't do much except sit. I get even more frustrated, knowing I'm not being very productive. When my mind gets clouded with worries, it's best to go back to the basics.

What do you have that you love? What really matters? So many times, I take these things for granted. I think we have what it takes within us to heal. Thankfulness is an unlikely (but often powerful) remedy for many struggles.

Today I had a thought. What if what we saw in ourselves wasn't really "what is". What if what we saw was wrong. What if the shameful things we see in ourselves that make us feel "less" or insecure, were not reality? Perhaps you think you're stupid, but what if that really was a lie? Do you see yourself as annoying to others? What if it was all in your head? Or maybe you think you're fat, but truly you were slim? What if what you clearly saw in the mirror really was false or skewed? What if things about yourself, you "knew" to be true, actually were totally wrong?

If you found that the negative things you believed about yourself were not correct, how would you live differently? If you saw yourself through a lens that favored you and your imperfections were gone, would you have more joy? This thought crossed my mind because I looked at myself in a mirror today and did not see one of my most feared flaws (one I usually notice when I look in the mirror). I didn't see it.

I'm sure it was the light or something... But I must confess; it was a freeing feeling. I started to think  further - If could see myself "flawless" in the deeper ways, would I love myself more?

What is flawless? Perfection and imperfection are relative, aren't they? I know what it's like to see the worst in someone. I also know what it's like to love someone so much that you seem to only see what's best in them. I wonder if this is what God does. I wonder if He loves us so much that He literally sees us "perfected" because He knows all that we are. I don't know...

Who knows? I just hope I have more days with "flawless" vision.

"One of the saddest things about being human is that we see ourselves through the broken lens of failure. We identify ourselves with what we 'lacked'. For however long we allow it to consume us, we miss out on the joy of what could be. Sometimes our own stubbornness blinds us to truth."