Questions

Pain can breed bitterness or create compassion.

What separates people? I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but the older I get, the more I feel that people are mean. I am lucky to have a few family and friends who love me. That in itself, is huge and a great deal to be thankful for.

Obviously, everyone experiences some kind of emotional pain. It's part of life. But what do you do when someone does something that cuts deep or damages and you just can't forgive them? I know what it's like to be bitter. I know what it's like to want so badly to "let go" (not just because it's "the right thing to do" but because the truth is, it frees you) yet the internal turmoil makes it ever so difficult. It's not fair. You shouldn't have to suffer when they hurt you. How do you overcome it?

I don't have it figured out, but I think I'm getting closer. For me, I think it's about identifying and accepting that whatever deed caused us pain was not okay... That whatever that person did or said (or didn't do or say) was NOT alright. I think it's necessary to mentally understand and believe this. If you do that, then you are not sweeping the offense under the rug. You are fully allowing the blame to be placed on that person. However, in order to be free... You can choose to not allow it to consume you.

I cannot express how many times someone has said something that hurt me and I just swept it under the rug. That works for awhile. But after years of avoiding confrontation, you begin to realize the effects. While you were "sparing" this other person of feeling like an asshole and avoiding the uncomfortable conversations that may have been had, you are becoming crushed by the invisible load on your back. This can affect your self-confidence.

I think there are times things need to be said. People sometimes need to be stood up to, otherwise they will continue to walk all over you. There are other circumstances where no matter what you say, they will not care. It also depends on who it is. I'm not going to try too hard with a complete stranger and I would not recommend anyone do so. Although, what if it's a rude relative who is out of line or crosses boundaries?

I think it's really important to pay attention to the ones who stay, who care, and have mirrored their love. If that's the case, it's worth the trouble. Sometimes, family acts like more of a stranger than people you have never met. My life has shown me that "family" are the ones who respect you. Of course we all have our "jerk" moments, but the ones who care... We know who they are. Hold onto those people. Sometimes, the world will surprise you. Sometimes (even though it be rare) a stranger will show you more kindness than those you would hope you could expect it from. When people disappoint you, look for the good. Look for the rare ones.

They are there.